Facebook in Namibia

As I sit on Facebook, I see these pictures of all of the things happening at home.  People are getting dolled up to go to the rodeo.  Others are having a girls’ night on the town.  Some are just sharing everyday events.  I feel silly because I sit here, living the life I wanted for over a year, and I secretly long for those things a little.  I want those moments where I feel truly pretty again; I long for times that were easier.  But that’s not why I am here, and I must remind myself of that.  I am here to be stretched, changed, and molded into something new.  I am here to stretch, change, and mold others into something new.  I am here to bring God’s beauty and grace to a country that faces some struggles.  He has told me that this will not be easy; he has proven time and time again that worldly issues will tempt me and cause me to struggle, occasionally sinning along the way (always offering me forgiveness).  Ultimately though, I think that is ok.  I think that it is ok that sometimes I don’t want to be here.  I think that it is ok that sometimes I wish for an easier situation.  I think that it is ok that sometimes my American mindset gets in the way.  In the end, it is how I push through the situation.  How do I handle my conflicts?  How do I finish my year here?

Although things are hard at times, and will continue to be up until the day I leave, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.  I couldn’t even picture me sitting at an office job, watching the clock, hoping for the time to pass.  I am exactly where I was meant to be, problems and all.  This was the life that was chosen for me.  The one I was rewarded.  The one that God and others around me believed I could handle.